Rollercoasters, I hate them. The LOVE OF MY LIFE loves them except the emotional rollercoasters I seem to constantly take since being told I'm no longer wanted and haven't been wanted for years. I'd feel quite angry when he complained about the crying and the emotional rollercoaster ride, after all, in my mind, he helped create it. But I learnt a valuable lesson this weekend. I now understand very clearly why the LOVE OF MY LIFE doesn't like riding someone's rollercoaster. It's very upsetting, confusing and scary :'-(
The LOVE OF MY LIFE was so kind, caring and, dare I say, loving this week/weekend. And I can't believe it was pretend as there is no point at all pretending now. And I did remember to keep myself in check and not take it too much to heart. Then, aside from the drink, something happened to send him into the depths of despair. I have talked to him this morning (well I tried probably too much) and he is adamant that it is nothing I have done to trigger it and that it is down to him. Personally, I feel the trigger has got to come from somewhere so I am guessing one of his Twitter women have said something that has knocked him. Maybe she is suddenly free to have a proper relationship with him now and he feels bad for making me feel better only to know he has to knock me down again. Who knows. He won't talk to me which is how we got in this mess in the first place. I don't think there is anything I can do. If you're no longer the one, that's it you're done for.
Anyway, I am sorry for putting the LOVE OF MY LIFE through my emotional rollercoasters so many times.
I will try not to do that anymore. I will remember the perspective blog, and Vicktor Frankl, and to try and use the energy that I would waste on a rollercoaster and try and focus it on Me Discovering Me.
(so it has been said, so it shall be done (I hope))
Hey,
ReplyDeleteBeen there, done that before this marriage. To be honest with you, sometimes I wish this husband would find someone else so my problems with him would be solved. It's never that easy. He was a cheater though and I honestly believe that once a cheater always a cheater. Just gotta say it though... quit thinking about him and think about yourself. If you love him and you say you do - he loves you too, really - the person he fell in love with anyway. If you have lost yourself or never knew yourself to begin with - stop wasting valuable time and energy on worrying about him and work on yourself. It's attractive - when you work on yourself. It's positive. It's appealing. When you are in a personal growth journey you acquire a glow about you. It's not that easy I know... but that's the direction you need to take. Working on loving yourself first - if you don't you won't be able to love anyone else with any kind of quality. Go to www.innerbonding.com and search around for the Self Quest program. Work it. If you can't find it - send me a message and I'll get the exact link and give it to you. Work Self Quest. It will set you free. Good luck and thanks for reading me.
Many thanks for stopping by and posting a comment. It is very appreciated. I will try to remember what you have written and use it to help me. I'll check out the website too. Thank you again.
ReplyDeleteHi again - it seems to me that he is confused and really hasn't made his mind up. I remember reading something a few months ago from a wife whose husband left her for a while to 'find himself'. She told him to go do that but was there waiting for him. He went off and did all those things that a single man does. In the meantime she'd arrange family events and invite him along. Sometimes he did sometimes he didn't. This went on for sometime and then when he had got it out of his system he came back to her and they are now happily together again. I think this is a scary and brave thing to do as it could have backfired. But I guess if he is checked out you may have nothing to lose. Its too late for me as mine has got another woman, but maybe it would work for you ? The thing my friends keep saying is that I haven't done anything wrong - in a relationship both sides have to try........
ReplyDeleteHi, Slava
ReplyDeleteYes, he did say yesterday he doesn't know what he wants. I guess that is what he needs, space to work out what he wants from his lfe, although I think it will be difficult if he is in love with someone who is in a committed relationship. I love him but do I really want to be second best, second choice just because he can't have what he really wants? How long would that last before he becomes resentful? He is being so considerate lately. I don't think it is about my lack of awareness before, now he seems to be really putting himself out to do things that I have asked if we can do, like go to the pictures. That is just making me appreciate him and love him more. I just wish we could talk honestly to each other. I'd love to create a twitter account and pretend to be a stranger but it just wouldn't work. But imagine if you could talk honestly together (I guess that is a silly thing to say that to you as you know exactly what that is like). People shouldn't mess with other peoples lives. I hope Karma is watching closely.
Best Wishes
MDM