Things had been really good. We are getting on better than we ever have but I am still having difficulty coming to terms with everything that went on.
I found an email exchange between myself and friend going back six years and one month ago in which I say how special my relationship was as my husband was my best friend. I explained that it was "hard sometimes because when my husband upsets me so I go running to my best friend". I never understood the words to the Prince song 'If I was your girlfriend' until I met the Love of My Life.
If I was your one and only friend
Would u run 2 me if somebody hurt u
Even if that somebody was me?
Sometimes I trip on how happy we could be
In the email I also go on about how "we both know how lucky we are. I don't know how we managed to find each other".
Well of course it wasn't true was it. Not from his point of view. I wasn't the one - his neo - like he always said I was and I wasn't his best friend. If I was he would have talked to me years ago but he didn't. He started talking to her. Telling her she was the one; the one he loves; the one he wants; his best friend and the one that understands him better than anyone else.
So we are getting on well, really well, but all this is in my head and I can feel myself pulling back. I'm not his one and I'm not his best friend and it would be unlikely that I would run to him any more. So I'm not sure where this journey is going for me discovering me.
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