It's 3:05 am (well it was when I started writing) and I can't sleep. It had been a good day for the most part. I even felt I had made progress on the Me Discovering Me journey. And I had felt loved. The LOVE OF MY LIFE had been very loving, with thoughtful touches and little kisses which didn't feel pretend or forced. It was lovely right up until after dinner. We were snugging on the sofa and I saw him DM (Direct Message for non Twitter people those are private messages that don't show up on the public time line) the £85 phone call b'tch. So I ended up doing my usual, 'what you talking to her about?'. Just chatting he says how was your day, what you have for tea, that kind of thing. Well why did the message start with 'would' I ask. Well it went downhill from there because it brought it all back and I just kept on. I wasn't being emotional at all, just talking but it got to him and that look came back into his eyes. I didn't expect that. I don't understand why he is getting emotional when I am not. Maybe I touched a nerve. He says he is not settling for second best but who knows. By the time we'd got to bed we were right back to where we had been with him completely p'ssed off with me. How am I ever going to trust again? So much for me thinking I'd made progress on the Me Discovering Me journey.
Hi MDM I've not heard from you for a while - I hope you are ok xx
ReplyDeleteHi MDM,
ReplyDeleteThanks for the message you left me in the week. And thank you for caring especially as you are finding things tough too. I'm so glad things are a better for you. I hope it goes from strength to strength and that you both find your way together in a happy positive manner xx
Hi MDM - thanks for the message you left again. I think about you too - two distant women whose lives have taken a turn for the worst at the same time :-( I thought things would have started to get better by now - but clearly not. My Doctor even said that being reasonable is not always the best approach ! I think I must be a fool. I am looking forward to starting a new year in 2012 and will try to be more positive and move forward. One can hope. You take care - and think of yourself and the kids. Maybe it has got to the stage for you that you need to make a decisive move that is for you. Maybe if you do that he will realise what he has lost ? Someone said that you don't realise how much you love someone until they are no longer there. But then again I could be talking rubbish as I don't know your full circumstances. Chin up - women are strong - and you especially are xx
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