It's My Fault

It seems that I am the cause of the drinking because I don't show him love in the way he expects.

It is very hard to show love when someone changes when they drink. Not to mention: the Twitter Lovers; the 'picture' swapping; the video/skype 'sex'; the arrest for dd; being wasted in the daytime when he has the children; walking around in my maternity trousers as no money for clothes as he needs money for booze (my daughter is 9 years old now so those trousers are lasting so well - but I look scruffy at work now I've lost weight); I try not to resent the money but it is me that has to balance the books. He has not had to worry about money as that is all on my shoulders made worse now by the fact that I now only have my wage to juggle. I managed to fund the trip to Rome which was my 40th birthday present from him. He also wants a trip abroad with the children in a villa with a pool. I do too but I used all my leave in the first six months of the year taking days off cause of all the upset and not wanting to go to work with red eyes and sobbing. And I can't find the money. We will be down by £17k at the end of this year IF we stick to the budget which we never do. I'm balancing it all on credit cards. Although I'll need a new balance transfer to get us through the end of the month. Apparently his perfect £85 phone call woman would not have a problem with his drinking.

Anyway, I thought I had shown my love by sticking by him through all of that but he still feels I don't show him love. :-(

MDM