Well 2 weeks now without any alcohol and the difference has been amazing. Started to feel very much like the beginning despite everything that has happened in the past 6 months. Not one roller coaster!
Last few days though since returning from holiday I have felt more insecure. Maybe because THE LOVE OF MY LIFE has been on the computer a lot and it is making me feel that he might still be carrying on 'virtually' with the £85 phone call woman. Or may be even looking for more women like that. I'm probably going to spoil things keep worrying about it. I upset him tonight for muting the tv at the end of the film, then said the wrong thing when he told me he had been listening to it. Tonight I feel really strongly that there is more than just idle chat going on. Collaboration is the word that springs to mind but how am I ever going to know. You can never know what people get up to these days with the change the Internet brings.
Anyway need to get some sleep as I have stayed up very late too many times this week. I need sleep then maybe I won't be so paranoid. We haven't really spoke and certainly haven't touched since the muting tv business. Feels like we have gone back to where we were before. Horrible feeling after 2 weeks of almost heaven.
Another step eh; on the journey to Me Discovering Me xxxx
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