Confused Emotions

So much has happened the last couple of weeks I am so confused. The LOVE OF MY LIFE told me so many times that he loves me this weekend and yesterday. Started to feel a bit like we were in the beginning. I'm not sure what set it off. Has one of his Twitter women upset him? Was it the enormous amount of alcohol he had consumed? He was basically drunk for three days. Was he just horny (sorry for the bluntness) or does he indeed love me? I wish I knew.

I don't know what to do. I was thinking today about my lack of self discipline. It is so lacking that I don't think I was even in the queue when it was handed out! You can see the lack of self discipline in this blog. I had wanted to post once a day at least or on average and I have barely visited here recently. When I tried to work out why I decided it is because of my lack of honesty or should that be my secretive nature. There is so much I could say if I could allow myself to be honest but I am so worried about someone working out who I am or worse who the LOVE OF MY LIFE is that I hold back and that leaves very little to be said. But I guess I am not a very honest person anyway. I don't mean to tell lies and in a lot of respects I am a very honest person. I have even been told I am too honest. Oh dear is this the Gemini coming out. Never spotted that before. So why do I think I am dishonest when I am usually so honest? The other thing I have discovered about myself is that I am like a mirror. I reflect back to you what you show to me. So if you are nice to me I can't be anything else to you. If you are not nice I'll reflect that back. Now this is where it doesn't make any sense because the reason I feel I am not honest is when someone hurts me I'll not say anything to them. I might give out evil vibes, for want of better words, but I won't say anything. Also, I have a tendency to say what I think you want to hear. So if you're lying to me and I know for sure you are, I'll cover for you. I won't say, don't lie to me. Am I avoiding confrontation? I don't know. Well must end this here as I'm at my stop (on my next part of my journey to Me Discovering Me).