First visit in a while

First visit since 2 March I believe. That is a record.  And I don't think I even have the energy to give you a glimpse of what happened tonight.  But I need to tell someone.   Do you know what I mean? That horrible pain in your heart like you need to scream until nothing is left, nothing more can come out.  Actually I hope you don't understand.  I hope you never feel like that.  I don't understand what happened tonight, if I honest. Lots of banging doors though. And not by me. To find out what was going on I had a look to see if he had tweeted anything. Oh yes. 'Fcuk my Life' only spelt correctly.  So the banging doors weren't because the window was open as I had been told. Got him an exchange culminating in a virtual kiss from him and hug from her. Never going to go away is it.  If his life is so shit here then why doesn't he just go where he is going to be happy? Life is too short and I'm never going to be 'the one' like I apparently was in the beginning. I know I am tired. It's been an eleven hour day today as I need to meet some impossible deadlines by end of financial year and I didn't really sleep last night. That is probably why I just feel like shutting down and saying goodbye. I'm tired, no shattered. Goodnight x

What the hell did I do?

It's been a bit mad in the house with kids staying over and I was having to sit in the living room whilst the children sneak down for 'midnight' snacks.  And then I get told that I need to put a favourite film on to calm me down before I drive him nuts.  I'm not sure what I did.  I don't know what I could have done to avoid it.  But I have really pissed him off yet again. I said to him I don't understand what happened and he said he was just trying to help me as I needed to calm down.  I was only sitting at the computer??  Yes, I was waiting to be able to leave the room as I wanted to use the bathroom but I didn't realise that I wasn't calm.  He said I needed help and he was just trying to help. But I am a person not just something that he thinks needs help.  I was just waiting for the children to go to bed so I could relax and enjoy the evening.  I've not had tea yet and had only just realised it was 9:30 and may be I was giving off funny vibes because I am useless when I have not eaten but I don't understand what I have done.  I wasn't ranting or raving.  The room was a mess and I was waiting to clear it up once I knew the children weren't coming back down to trash it.  What did I do?  Don't want to be crying again.  What did I do?