So what have I been doing on my journey to me discovering me.
To cut a long story short I ended up off work for a long period of time with stress and depression (I was in denial about the depression).
I've managed to get back to work and I'm probably four months back now. I am still not well and as I said in my last post I had a bit of a mini breakdown the other week.
I don't understand why I am struggling so much as I have been doing a lot to try and get better.
I signed up to Get Some Headspace a while back and ended up buying the version for the whole year. I've done the foundation, the stress pack and I am now struggling with the relationship pack. Without a good morning routine I really struggled to fit the Headspace into my day. I find, like Andy Puddicombe says, that aiming to do it in the morning means it gets done and you have more chance of taking it with you during the day. I have managed a few weeks waking up about 6:00 to 6:30 putting on the travel kettle that I now have by my bed so I can get a cup of tea which is usually cooled enough to drink by the time I have finished my Headspace session. It feels good to get it done like. I found it difficult to do the visualisation with the stress pack (I just can't get over the fact that each toe and each finger fills up one at a time - how??) and find it hard to find someone to focus on in the relationship pack. I am hoping that if I keep going things will get easier. I need to get more sleep though as I keep falling asleep during my Headspace, particularly the relationship pack.
I also took out a subscription to Psychologies magazine using our Tesco points.
I am currently reading:
- Learned Optimism;
- Organizing from the Inside Out;
- Never Check Your Emails in the Morning; and
- Optimised Thinking.
Oh and also reading:
- Bastard Husband; and
- My Life in Black and White.
I never normally read fiction but I found Bastard Husband whilst I was going through my own difficulties. I have just finished reading Bastard Husband and at the end of the book it pointed to a website/blog and it turns out the story is more fact than fiction. I have yet to have a good look at the blog but it is something I intend to do. I found My Life in Black and White purely by accident. I was walking through the library about to get some magazines out and this book cover caught my eye and that was it I ended up borrowing it.
From reading Learned Optimism it is now confirmed that I am very pessimistic. I guess anyone reading the blog probably knew that already. When I am feeling brave enough I am going to read my blog from the start and see how much is pervasive, personal and permanent. I am currently trying to note my ABC's - Adversity, Beliefs and Consequences so I can move on in the book.
I also found out from doing the test in the book that I am moderately depressed. I was one point off being severely depressed. I hadn't believed the doctor when he suggested I was back in November 2013! At least now I understand why and can be more aware, hopefully.
Prior to this I have been receiving emails from a couple of places and I have found real benefit from them.
The first is Rori Raye. Obviously it is about selling the information she has gathered over the years and normally I wouldn't look at something like that because of that simple reason. But in this case, over the months of receiving her emails, I am convinced she has valuable information to sell. And if I knew anyone having relationship problems I would recommend that they at least sign up for her emails. I do believe she could give you knowledge that most women do not have. The reason I am convinced she knows what she is talking about is because it was only after reading her emails that I realised I had been doing some of the things she talks about completely by accident and now I understand a bit more how me and OH have gone from a really bad relationship to one that is better than it was in the very beginning. We still need to work out the alcohol issue but otherwise things are very good.
Marc and Angel Hack Life is another email I am signed up for. They send regular emails that make you think about the way you live. I need to set aside time to take it all in properly. I have even extracted a paragraph or two and shared it with the children. They might only be 9 and 12 but no reason why they can't start thinking about what they want from life and how they want to live it. I will do a blog post in the future as there was a passage that they interpreted totally differently to me and I feel they were right. I just hadn't seen it. Very enlightening and good to know my children are more insightful than I am.
I have also recently found Zen Habits and want to put time aside to think about the issues and ideas presented by Leo Babauta.
Because I have so much going on, probably too much, I thought I could try and do a more regular blog post picking up on issues in the books and from the emails and websites I have been looking at. I am hoping that by doing it that I will focus on one or two ideas at a time rather than reading something and moving on to something else without exploring what I have already found, if that makes any sense.
I want to commit, on a daily basis, to me discovering me.
