Yes, I should have been back ages ago. The roller coaster, whilst smoother than it was, still manages to give me a stomach wrenching drop on a regular, if more distant, basis.
Things have, at times, been good. But yesterday and today make me want to walk away. It's the drink again as it usually is. He returned from a boy's weekend having not had a good time. There was a bottle of Jack Daniels in the cupboard. Yes, I know - more fool me for buying it for his birthday in the first place. But I had expected him to take it with him on the boy's weekend - there again booze is not normally for sharing. So maybe I was just kidding myself.
I hate Sundays anyway as there is plenty of time to get booze down the neck. Trying to do bath time with the children and a man that has had a bit more drink that is probably socially acceptable in most houses is not a relaxing way to spend a Sunday. Talk about being scared and on edge. Things had improved and they were okay yesterday despite the fact that he started drinking the JD when he got back.
Tonight he seemed like he had had a bit to drink. He changes even though he doesn't think he does. I was busy messing about and sorting homework so I didn't notice. When I did I asked what he had been drinking. JD, of course. Just two little ones. I checked the bottle in the wardrobe and there was a little bit left. Just that morning I had dug my nail into the label to mark where the level was. By my eyes half a bottle had gone since this morning. So anything up to 14 units. He had just opened the wine to drink with dinner. Fourteen units not counting the wine. And if you have to drive at 8:30 am working backwards that takes you to about 6:30 pm. Well, he didn't get home till late and then walked the dog so if he was to have the wine he would be over the limit by morning. What to do? Do I ignore it and let him drive my children in the morning or face pissing him off? Well, I can't let him drive the children. Not just for the children's sake or anyone else on the road - it's a three year ban next time. It would be a downward spiral for him. So I showed him the bottle. No way. No way. I showed him the mark but of course - I'm just some lying bitch that is making out he has drunk half a bottle when he only had two 'measures'. And now I am being treated like the nasty lying bitch I am. So that's a nice way for me to end my already stressful day. I did say I wasn't saying don't drink just that I will drive the children to school and him to work in the morning. Yes, that will fuck my day up but it's a better option that him getting banned or worse still killing or injuring someone. But he still poured it back into the bottle so that I guess is a good thing. He has gone now - up to bed not even saying goodnight. So thanks for that. I'll just sit here and cry in disbelief at the way I am treated. What did I really do that was so wrong?
